رفع اشکال و نظرسنجی درمورد نمونه های Writing شما

[Bahram]

در صورت تمایل میتوانید نمونه های Writing خود را در این تاپیک قرار دهید تا سایر دوستان صاحبنظر ایرادات و نظر خود راجع به انشا نویسی شما را بیان کنند.

میتوانید انشای خود را بصورت ذخیره شده برروی فایل با پسوندهای doc، docx، txt،و ... یا بعنوان پست در همین تاپیک قرار دهید.
از دوستان صاحبنظر خواهش میکنم نظر خودشان در مورد تصحیح رایتینگ از نظر اشکالات گرامری و لغوی و انشایی و همچنین نمره انشا از نظر خودشان را بیان کنند.

[partow]

Writing Task 2


Too much attention is given to headline-grabbing disasters like earthquakes and floods.Governments should concentrate their resources on education people about the risks they face nearer to home, which can cost far more lives.


To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Today natural disasters such as earthquake and flood are happening often in all the word. Every people faced or will face with these, at least one time in her/his life. In this essay i'll explain the way that people can protect themselves.
The natural disasters are events which we can't predict or prevent them. But we can protect ourselves from their effects. Scientists found one reason for these, which is global warming. It changes climate and makes the temperature rises. So it causes that the level of sea water rises. Then the cities near the beaches will face with Tsunami or flood. Furthermore, earthquake often happening in the countries that are on fault line. so the government should work on base structures. For example, in countries wich earthquake happened many times, they should force engineers to build apartments which are strong against earthquake. As we know, in some countries like Japan and China they have these laws. Because of that their buildings are strong enough against earthquake with 8 richter.
In addition the governments should empty the areas near active volcanoes, because when the volcanoes erupt, the lavas will destroy every thing in its way.
In my opinion the most important work, that the government must do, is educating people how they can protect themeselves from risks they face nearer to home. For example, in earthquake they should take away from stuff like windows.
To sum up, I agree with educating people about risks, but it is not enough. The government should recognize the natural disasters in area and work on base structure.

...

میشه اشکالاتش رو بگید؟

[ice]

دوست عزیز به نظرم میاد این تغییرات به متننتون کمک کنند. ولی در کل فکر میکنم پاسختون خیلی با سوال ارتباط کافی نداره (البته این نظر کاملا شخصی است).

Today natural disasters such as earthquakes and floods are happening often in all the word (often happening around the world). Every people everybody has faced or will face with these, at least one time in her/his life. In this essay i'll explain the way that people can protect themselves (the question is on governments not people).

The natural disasters are events which we can't predict or prevent them., but we can protect ourselves from their effects. Scientists found one reason for these, which is global warming (global warming is one of the reasons that scientists currently connect to these problems). It changes climate and makes the temperature rises. So it causes that the level of sea water also rises. Then the cities near the beaches will are faced with Tsunami or floods. Furthermore, earthquakes often happening in the countries that are on fault line. so Therefore, the government should work on base structures. For example, in countries wich (where) earthquakes have happened many times, they should force engineers to build apartments which are strong against earthquakes. As we know, in some countries like Japan and China they have these laws (such laws already exist). Because of that their buildings are strong enough against earthquakes with 8 richter.

In addition, the governments should empty the areas near active volcanoes, because when the volcanoes erupt, the lavas will destroy everything in its way.

In my opinion the most important work, that the government must do, is educating people how they can protect themselves from risks they face nearer to home. For example, in earthquakes they should take stay away from stuff like windows.

To sum up, I agree with educating people about risks, but it is not enough. The government should recognize the natural disasters in areas and work on base structure.

موفق باشید

[Cortex]

Writing Task 2


Too much attention is given to headline-grabbing disasters like earthquakes and floods.Governments should concentrate their resources on education people about the risks they face nearer to home, which can cost far more lives.


To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Today natural disasters such as earthquake and flood are happening often in all the word. Every people faced or will face with these, at least one time in her/his life. In this essay i'll explain the way that people can protect themselves.
The natural disasters are events which we can't predict or prevent them. But we can protect ourselves from their effects. Scientists found one reason for these, which is global warming. It changes climate and makes the temperature rises. So it causes that the level of sea water rises. Then the cities near the beaches will face with Tsunami or flood. Furthermore, earthquake often happening in the countries that are on fault line. so the government should work on base structures. For example, in countries wich earthquake happened many times, they should force engineers to build apartments which are strong against earthquake. As we know, in some countries like Japan and China they have these laws. Because of that their buildings are strong enough against earthquake with 8 richter.
In addition the governments should empty the areas near active volcanoes, because when the volcanoes erupt, the lavas will destroy every thing in its way.
In my opinion the most important work, that the government must do, is educating people how they can protect themeselves from risks they face nearer to home. For example, in earthquake they should take away from stuff like windows.
To sum up, I agree with educating people about risks, but it is not enough. The government should recognize the natural disasters in area and work on base structure.

...

میشه اشکالاتش رو بگید؟

سلام دوست عزیز
به سایت خودتون خوش آمدید
همونطور که دوست عزیزمون ice گفتند این خیلی مهمه که شما قبل از اینکه دست به قلم بشید برای نوشتن رایتینگ چندین بار موضوع خواسته شده را بخوانید. شاید اولین چیزی که در نوشتن رایتینگ مهم هست Concentrate روی موضوع است... عموماً هر تَسک یه تکیه و زوم دارد. مثلاً این موضوع بیشترین تکیه و تاکیدش بروی کمک دولت برای زیرساخت های جلوگیری از بلاهای طبیعی نزدیکتر به خانه هاست. چیزی که شما اصلاً به آن اشاره نکردید.

متن شما مشکل آنچنانی ندارد؛ فقط کمی از لحاظ گرامری و قیدها مشکل دارید. دامنه لغات تکراری دارید و متن تان را کمی رسمی تر کنید. سعی کنید به ترتیب عوامل نوشتاری خود را در متن بیاورید و در آخر از تمام اینها نتیجه گیری کنید. از موضوع دور نشوید. نیازی نیست هرچه در چنته دارید رو کنید.
در رایتینگ علم نوشتاری شما مورد بحث است نه اطلاعات عمومی.
کتاب های رایتینگ Mc.Carter را مطالعه بفرمایید.
موفق باشید

[partow]

ice , Omid
ممنون از راهنماییتون ...

متاسفانه تو writing و reading خیلی ضعیفم ...

2-3 هفته دیگه هم آزمون دارم ...

قسمت هایی که گفته شد رو اصلاح، و کتابی که گفتید رو سعی می کنم بخونم ...

[Bahram]

سلام، دوستانی که در مورد رایتینگ آیلتس اطلاع دارند

آیا در
امتحان آیلتس (قسمت اول امتحان ژنرال که مربوط به نامه نگاری می‌شه) لازمه
که آدرس گیرنده و فرستنده در ابتدای نامه نوشته بشه؟

در بخش دوم که انشا نویسی هست، آیا نوشتن تاپیک تأثیری در افزایش یا کاهش نمره داره؟
ممنون

[m.ost]

سلام، دوستانی که در مورد رایتینگ آیلتس اطلاع دارند

آیا در
امتحان آیلتس (قسمت اول امتحان ژنرال که مربوط به نامه نگاری می‌شه) لازمه
که آدرس گیرنده و فرستنده در ابتدای نامه نوشته بشه؟

در بخش دوم که انشا نویسی هست، آیا نوشتن تاپیک تأثیری در افزایش یا کاهش نمره داره؟
ممنون

من امتحان جنرال ندادم ولی در کلاسی که برای آیلتس میرفتم در موردش گفتن بهمون.
آدرس گیرنده و فرستنده لازم هست که گیرنده سمت چپ بالا و فرستنده سمت راست بالا.

در مورد انشا من خودم که هیچ وقت تاپیک رو ننوشتم و تو کلاس هم هیچ تاکیدی بر نوشتنش نشد. مطلبی هم در مورد تاثیرش در نمره پیدا نکردم و فکر نمی کنم تاثیری داشته باشه.

[Context]

سلام بر دوستان خودم.
میخواستم از نظرات گرانبهاتون استفاده کنم. من شنبه امتحان دارم!!! برای رایتینگ 6.5 بگیرم، عالیییییه، بقیه بخشها بالاتر از 7 هم میتونم. هر چند خیلی امید ندارم به رایتینگ. میخواستم این نمونه رو که مربوط به تسک 2 هست (20 دقیقه طول کشید نوشتنش، نمیدونم چرا انقدر سریع مینویسم!!) بزارم که نظرات شما رو بدونم. میدونم خیلی وضعیت داغونه، خیلی وقته ننوشتم آخه، میخوام ببینم ناامید شم یا نه!!؟؟ 

Writing Task 2 – Cam 8 – Test 1
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Being active in the communities is something that needs to be learned. Some people believe it is parents’ responsibility to socialize their children in a way that the children can be useful in the society, while others are interested to consider schools as an important environment to teach that. In this paper the aforementioned issue will be examined and in the conclusion part my opinion will be expressed.

Remember your childhood, you were almost unable to do even your own stuff, who taught you how to walk? How to speak? How to eat properly? For most of people these were their parents, daddy and mommy, who we grew up both physically and mentally and the foundation of our personality were established next to them. Some people believe that being a good team worker, getting along with others, being someone who can take a responsibility is his/her society are just like the other abilities that we earn and they consider the role of parents in this case very essential.

On the other hand, there are another ones who treat “being good” as an education that has be learned in school like physics and mathematics and so on, they believe that a child should learn the morality under supervision of an educated person because they consider the morality as a science that has its rules, objectives, references and so on.

In conclusion, I am interested in not separating parents from the schools. Personally, I believe that the both point of views have their advantages and disadvantages, for instance, if we dedicate school as the only teacher, we are obviously denying the essential role of parents in the process of learning about society, they spend a lot of time with their children and they are the ones who know the kids better than anyone else. In contrast, by abandoning schools and giving the whole responsibility to parents, we limit our children from a great and precious learning resource.

 
 

[ice]

Being active in the communities is something that needs to be learned. Some people believe it is parents’ responsibility to socialize their children in a way that the children can be useful in the society, while others are interested to consider schools as an important environment to teach them that. In this paper the aforementioned issue will be examined and in the conclusion part my opinion will be expressed.

Remember your childhood, you were almost unable to do even your own stuff,. who taught you how to walk? How to speak? How to eat properly? For most of people these were their parents, daddy and mommy (mother and father), who we grew up with both physically and mentally and the foundation of our personality were was established next to them. Some people believe that being a good team worker, getting along with others, being someone who can take a responsibility is in his/her society are just like the other abilities that we learn and they consider the role of parents in this case very essential.

On the other hand, there are another ones who treat “being good” as an education that has to be learned in school like physics and mathematics and so on, they believe that a child should learn the morality under supervision of an educated person because they consider the morality as a science that has its rules, objectives, references and so on.

In conclusion, I am interested believe in not separating parents from the schools. Personally, I believe that the both points of views have their advantages and disadvantages, for instance, if we dedicate school as the only teacher, we are obviously denying the essential role of parents in the process of learning about society, they spend a lot of time with their children and they are the ones who know the kids better than anyone else. In contrast, by abandoning schools and giving the whole responsibility to parents, we limit our children from a great and precious learning resource.

از به کار گیری زبان گفتاری خودداری کنید این امتحان آکادمیک هست.
جملات مرکب کمتری استفاده کنید تا شروع و پایانشون از دستتون در نره.
با آرزوی موفقیت

[ForeverBlue]

یک تکنیک که به خود من خیلی کمک کرد:

در writing سعی کنید که موضوع را به 3 تا category تقسیم کنید و در مورد هر کدام یک پاراگراف بنویسید. این مورد کمک میکند که رشته کلام از دستتان خارج نشود.

مثلا
موضوع :
برخی افراد اعتقاد دارند که مهاجرت مردم از کشورهای فقیر به کشورهای ثروتمند باید ممنوع گردد. برخی دیگر متعقدند که این کار صحیح نیست و .... 
نظر شما چیست؟


شما بهتره اول یک پاراگراف کلی بنویسید در مورد اینکه این موضوع یکی از موضوعات مهم روز هستش و در موردش زیاد بحث میشه و ... (مثل قسمت چکیده مقالات). بعد بنویسید که این موضوع را میتوان در 3 دسته مشکلات سلامت فیزیکی، سلامت روانی و مسائل اقتصادی بررسی کرد.
در نهایت هم بنویسید که پیشنهاد میشود برای حل این مشکل این اقدمات (مثلا فرهنگ سازی، آموزش، کنترل شدید قانونی) و .. انجام داد.


شبیه چنین کاری را تقریبا در مورد اکثر موضوعها میتوان انجام داد.

همین الان برید و این صفحه رو  پرینت بگیرید و شروع کنید! ضمنا اینجا رو هم از دست ندید