نظرخواهي در مورد متن توصيه نامه

[mahyarelc]

سلام
ممنون میشم در مورد توصیه ای نامه ی منم نظری بدین.
نقاط ضعفش کجاست؟چی باید بهش اضافه کنم که تاثیر مثبت تری داشته باشه؟چه فاکتورهای دیگه ای رو باید بهش اضافه کنم که کامل بشه.ممنون
It`s with great pleasure that I am writing this recommendation letter for X and suggest him as a highly eligible students for your master program in[course name].I have known X for mor that 1.5 years.My experience with him has been mainly in teaching him during his third year of engineering classes in [University name].I first met X in my class of [course name] in spring 2011.He was able to achieve got a perfect mark of Y out of 20 which ,considering the course level , I believe this clearly shows his amazing performance and puts him at the top of my class.He has assisted me as a TA in fall 2011 and I believe that X`s outstanding academic ability abd performance qualifies his as an outstanding candidate.
In class , X was active in discussions, constantly asking probing questions and making thoughtful comments.Although , his grade in some courses are not perfect but almost always his performance can`t realistically be judged by his grade.In all classes as a students or TA,He was never absent, he always delivered the home works and exercises on time and another thing that really took my attention was that regardless of his mark after every exam , he come to reevaluate his paper with me and unlike other students more than he cared about his grade , he was excited to know where exactly he made a mistake;then he enthusiastically wanted to learn the correct solution.
X also showed remarkable problem solving and removing the limitation.His ability to break every difficult and complicated problems to small parts and analyze each of them thoroughly helps him to assess all the aspects of a problem with diligence and discernment.This powerful asset of his ability gradually decreased small inaccurancies which were the main reason for his incorrect answer.When he began to hold the responsibility of a class as the TA , he was deeply passionate about the efficacy of her method and how it would effect the student`s grades.
He is intelligent , ambitious and completely in service of the team.His excellence in leadership and group working, both in general and technical aspects , greatly motivated me as a teacher.The other student working with X commented favorably about working with X.He said the X got along well with everyone ,pulled his own wight on the project , and had the ability to compromise with other team member.
I believe that X overal intelligence , analytical skills , research abilities and his great teamwork make him an excellent candidate for your schools and that is why I think he suits your program as well as your program can help his grow to extraordinary measures and I am sure he will prove to be an asset to.

درود
کلا بزرگترین ضعفش که اشکالات گرامری و املاییش هست...یکم به نظر میرسه جمله ها از ریکامندهای مختلف برداشته شدن و بدون نظارت دقیق بهم چسبونده شدن (چند نمونه کوچیکشو بولد کردم)
کلا به نظرم باید خیلی روش کار بشه
چندتا نکته کوچیک که علاوه بر ضعف املایی و گرامری متن هست:
1- احتیاجی نیست برای نشون دادن نقاط قوت، بقیه دانشجوها کوبیده بشن (اونجا که گفته شده بر خلاف بقیه دانشجوها به نمره اهمیت میدین)
2- متن منسجم نیست
3- به نظرم بعضی موارد زیادی توضیح داده شدن....اینکه استاد به هر دلیلی بیاد نمره رو توجیه کنه معمولا مرسوم نیست..اینکارو میتونین تو SOP انجام بدین (اگه فکر میکنین حتما لازمه)
4- اینکه نمره perfect گرفتین دیگه معنی نمیده که از 20 چند شدین...perfectیعنی 20 از 20
5- من به شخصه به نظرم اینکه تمریناتون رو سر موقع تحویل میدادین چیز مهمی نیست...این انتظاریه که از دانشجو میره و به نظرم به عنوان نکته مثبت نیست که ذکر بشه...مورد مشابه برای غیبت نکردن سر کلاس یا بعنوان TA هم هست

کلا بیشتر وقت بگذارید..متن رو کوتاه تر کنید، توضیحات اضافی رو حذف کنید
یه قالب معین تعیین کنید که از اون پیروی کنه متن:
مثلا ابتدا یه خط در مورد اینکه خوشحال میشن که این نامه رو برای ساپورت دانشجو مینویسن هست
بعد اینکه چطور و چقدر/ از چند مدت پیش دانشجو رو و در چه کلاسی میشناسه و چه نمره ای سر اون کلاس گرفته
بعد مختصری از عملکرد و شخصیت دانشجو
بعد مورد مهم قابل ذکر دیگه (همون TA یا هر سابقه ی پژوهشی دیگه)
در آخر هم میتونن بگن مثلا روی هم رفته این دانشجو بین top پنج درصد کلاسهام بوده و strongly ریکامند میکنمش

کلا یه قالب درست کنید(با پاراگرافهای مشخص) بعدا میتونید متن بهش اضافه یا کم کنید