شرکت در ماراتن همگانی Writing

مرسی از نظری که دادین
البته هستند کسانی که عجله آنچنانی ندارند و مثلا تصمیم دارند در 6 ماه آینده بدهند. از طریفی این تاپیک به تدریج تکمبل میشه و در آینده کسانی که میخواهند فشرده بخوانند، با منبع خوبی از wrting مواجه هستند.
اگر همه کمک کنند و تاپیک پربار بشه، امیدوارم به خوبی هم ادامه بده. چون متقاضی برای این کار زیاده
از سرفی ممکنه برخی دوستان با تجربه خودشون وقت نداشته باشند که در این زمینه کار کنند ولی میتونند بیان و نوشته های بچه ها رو اصلاح کنند و نقاط قوت و ضعفش رو بگن

    Nowadays, the computers' advantages and disadvantages is a controversial issue. In my opinion computers are so beneficial and our daily life is promoting with them, although we can't neglect the new problems that those useful machines cause like debilitating our memory, reducing social relationships and cybercrimes.
    There is an idea, since people are becoming more and more dependent to computers, some of their characters like brain capacity is debilitating. People don't try to use their ability because computers do a huge amount of the works. For example, I don't try to remember any phone number or events' date because I have tablet and if I say "home" my tablet will call my home number and also that reminds me to any special date. According to that idea, computers have bad effects to the social relationships too. If we concentrate on juveniles, will notice most of their time elapsed on surfing the net or playing computer games. So our next generation will be like introverts with less social communication skills. This is a critical problem that needs global attentions to be solved.
    The most crucial troubles with computers are cybercrimes. Cybercrimes are illegal works that done with computers and especially in the net. Those are new kind of criminal works that consist of web-based attacks, spreading viruses or Trojans, web-frauds etc. The estimated annual cost of cybercrimes is 100 billion dollars. When people are being more dependent to the computers, they will be more susceptible by cybercrimes. For example if you will be hacked, the hacker may obtain your personal information like your bank accounts etc. The importance of information security compels companies and also individuals to pay immense prices to increase their information safety.
    In conclusion, beside all of the computers benefits, they are causing some hindrances. But we have to eliminate those problems because we can't discard our computers.

با تشکر از شما که پیش قدم شدید و اولین متن را اینجا قرار دادید.[img]images/smilies/smile.gif[/img]
آنچه در زیر مینویسم خلاصه ای است از آنچه نوشته بودم و متاسفانه از بین رفت!
یک ایده کلی در خصوص متن خوبی که نوشته اید، وجود برخی اشتباه های ریز گرامری است و همچنین حالت ترجمه از فارسی به انگلیسی که در آینده خواهم گفت:
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1) برخی غلطهای ساده گرامری:

Original: Cybercrimes are illegal works that done with computers and especially in the net
Suggestion: Cybercrimes can be considered as some illegal computer activities especially in Internet.
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Original: If we concentrate on juveniles, will notice most of their time elapsed on surfing the net or playing computer games. So our next generation will be like introverts with less social communication skills.
Suggestion: Concentrating on juveniles, we will notice that most of their time is elapsed on surfing the net or playing computer games. This could be a horrible/significant problem to our next generation of introvert children with less social communication skills.
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Original: Those are new kind of criminal works that consist of web-based attacks, spreading viruses or Trojans, web-frauds etc. The estimated annual cost of cybercrimes is 100 billion dollars
Suggestion: As the modern kind of criminal activities, cybercrimes include web-based attacks, spreading viruses or Trojans, web-frauds etc. These activities have cost of 100 billion dollars per year!
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Original: When people are being more dependent to the computers, they will be more susceptible by cybercrimes. For example if you will be hacked, the hacker may obtain your personal information like your bank accounts etc. The importance of information security compels companies and also individuals to pay immense prices to increase their information safety.
Suggestion: Having more computer dependent people, undoubtedly cause more cybercrimes’ cost. Nowadays there are so many people who are in the danger of losing personal and financial information such as bank account details. This danger can be caused by cybercrime hackers and shows us how serious is paying attention to the information security concept and pay immense prices to increase their information safety.
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Original: In conclusion, beside all of the computers benefits, they are causing some hindrances. But we have to eliminate those problems because we can't discard our computers.
Suggestion: In conclusion, despite all of the computers benefits that are undeniable in our everyday life, they are some serious issues and hindrances that need to paid more attention.