(21-12-2014, 04:45 PM)'pheonix87' نوشته: سلام دوستان گلم تقاضامندم التفات نموده و اشكالات حقير رو در متين زير راهنمائي بفرمائيد.
سلام دوست گرامی
رایتینگ شما و دامنه لغاتتون خیلی خوبه، فقط یک سری بی دقتی هایی در Punctuation و Paragraph outline و خیلی کم word choice دارید. خیلی جاهایی که در نوشته های شما حذف شده و یا تغییر کرده شاید غلط هم نبوده باشه، ولی به این دلیل حذف شده که میتونسته بهتر و خلاصه تر از این هم بیان بشه....[img]images/smilies/smile.gif[/img] از دید من:
رایتینگ شما و دامنه لغاتتون خیلی خوبه، فقط یک سری بی دقتی هایی در Punctuation و Paragraph outline و خیلی کم word choice دارید. خیلی جاهایی که در نوشته های شما حذف شده و یا تغییر کرده شاید غلط هم نبوده باشه، ولی به این دلیل حذف شده که میتونسته بهتر و خلاصه تر از این هم بیان بشه....[img]images/smilies/smile.gif[/img] از دید من:
To start the/my story, first I have to tell/ give some important elements/information. Ten years ago, Illinois, an embezzlement case, was brought to the court, and the judge began to consider all the related documents on the case. In the end (at the end), the jury announced the final vote (or returned a guilty verdict). The file was related to a manager of a governmental agency who had artfully misappropriated twenty million dollars without leaving a single evidence (or trace).(Or The file was related to a governmental manager who had misappropriated twenty million dollars with such an artfulness/adroitness that no one would have suspected.)
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However, a proverb says, "Too has gained the upper hand" (??? I know nothing about this idiom). The manager was a person with a charming face and courteous behavior, but these characteristics were not enough to deceive an observant and professional public prosecutor. After a few-months long legislative process, the manger was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in prison. After so many tough days in prison, the manager was released while he was harboring a deep grudge against the prosecutor. Although the manager was old, he felt so young with a sense of revenge, which finally prompted him to devise a murder plan. One rainy night, he picked up his umbrella and went to a gun shop. At the gun shop, He requested for a 45-caliber pistol, and arms dealer offered to him.
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The day after that rainy night, he woke up early to review the murder plot and prepare himself. He took his pistol and went to the park that prosecutor usually came there for jugging, and hid himself in the bushes waiting for the right moment. Eventually, the prosecutor appeared under the usual hour. The embezzler manager did not hesitate a moment to shoot him right in the heart.
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However, a proverb says, "Too has gained the upper hand" (??? I know nothing about this idiom). The manager was a person with a charming face and courteous behavior, but these characteristics were not enough to deceive an observant and professional public prosecutor. After a few-months long legislative process, the manger was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in prison. After so many tough days in prison, the manager was released while he was harboring a deep grudge against the prosecutor. Although the manager was old, he felt so young with a sense of revenge, which finally prompted him to devise a murder plan. One rainy night, he picked up his umbrella and went to a gun shop. At the gun shop, He requested for a 45-caliber pistol, and arms dealer offered to him.
-
The day after that rainy night, he woke up early to review the murder plot and prepare himself. He took his pistol and went to the park that prosecutor usually came there for jugging, and hid himself in the bushes waiting for the right moment. Eventually, the prosecutor appeared under the usual hour. The embezzler manager did not hesitate a moment to shoot him right in the heart.
